Its hard work getting around these days. My body groans and heaves like a hairy ice age mammoth. Hairy being the word! I would like to go swimming to relieve my aching back but I haven’t defuzzed the hair on my legs or anywhere else for eons. I book an appointment for a full leg wax.
‘Hahaha ‘I catapult off the table as Maxine rips the wax strips off my thigh. ‘That’s pretty sore! Hooo. I just need a minute! I seem to be very sensitive at the moment. Listen finish my legs but I’m not going to bother with the bikini area.’
‘Ok, are you sure? She eyes the forest escaping from my underwear with disdain.
‘Oh yeah!’ I pay up and purchase a tub of bikini hair removal cream and start to work when I get home.
The instructions recommend doing a twenty-four hour skin patch test to be on the safe side but I am desperate to go for a swim today. I smear the thick pungent cream and sit and wait. Five minutes in and I feel a prickly, burning sensation on my skin. I check the instructions.
‘Remove cream immediately with damp cloth if skin is irritated by this product’. I dab it off. Clumps of hair wash away while others cling resolutely to their follicles. I shower away the excess cream and even I am startled by my bikini area. It looks like I have some form of rabies or scabies or weird sexually transmitted disease. Clumps of hair, spring out among big angry red bumps and a pinprick raw looking rash.
Please God I will not go into labour until the badly plucked chicken with tufts has regrown. I just couldn’t bear the questions; the stares. I have two weeks before my due date. I am now praying that I go overdue
Please God I will not go into labour until the badly plucked chicken with tufts has regrown. I just couldn’t bear the questions; the stares. I have two weeks before my due date. I am now praying that I go overdue
