Awwww! Oh excuse me yawning like that! My eyes are open but my brain is asleep. Even the luxurious pelting from my power shower has failed to jumpstart my body. It is in hibernation. Most of the night is spent tossing and turning as Peanut stabs and kicks furiously. I think he is thinking about releasing a post birth aerobics video.
As a tummy sleeper, it is frustrating to have to lie on my side. Special Bloke snores through the turbulent sea of pillows and shifting piles of crumpled sheets. Pillows are flipped to cool my face; the duvet is kicked and pulled to no advantage.
For the first time in my life I am hauntingly familiar with every nighttime radio programme for insomniacs. Then magically, at dawn, my brain and body shut down and dive headlong into the most glorious bed of rose-petaled sleep. A short skip of time later the alarm clock screeches in my ear.
I awake in disbelief that it is daytime and time to get up.
I drag my body out the front door with a cotton wool head and defiant body and make it to the bus stop. I search out a free seat on the bus. No one makes eye contact. The pale-faced bastards read their newspapers and strain their scrawny necks to stare glumly out the window.
They are literally ignoring the elephant in the bus.
The air is warm, heavy and clawing. The bus smells of wet overalls. The windows are grey and muggy with condensation. Fuzzy lights can be seen from outside. The bus chugs along smoothly.
As the journey continues, more passengers alight. I am pushed further and further back away from the only open window. I am a furnace of heat; my tummy is churning; I am getting that tingling sensation that causes me to reach for support. I shift my weight from one leg to the other willing myself to stay upright. I cling onto the seat rail of a young woman. She ignores me. A woozy feeling envelops me. I am living in a black and white world of photo negatives. Voices become more distant. My legs buckle. I sink into a heap. Its white, calm and peaceful…..
Someone is trying to wake me. Why are they yelling? Who are these people staring at me? What’s that smell? I make sense of the chaotic situation. ‘I am ok’, I announce to no one in particular. ’Its ok we’ve called an ambulance’ the bus driver reassures me. ‘I don’t need an ambulance. I just need some air’. I pull myself up and drag myself out.
I sit on the pavement. Before I know it, an officious woman upends me onto my back. What is she doing? She pushes my head back onto a rolled up coat and she tells me to stay put while she takes my pulse. ‘Are you a nurse or something?’ I enquire. ‘Not exactly’ she mutters ‘but my daughter is! And I watch a lot of E.R. Don’t worry, you’re in safe hands!’
I don’t feel very well. The ambulance arrives in a blur of drama and sirens. There’s a fine crowd gathering all ready to see the capturing of a fainting elephant. The crew immediately moves me into a seated position. ‘You should not be lying down on your back when you’re pregnant’ the paramedic tells me. ‘Well, if I’d known she was pregnant, I wouldn’t have put her in that position’ the ‘nurse’ tut tuts. I share a wink with the paramedic. ‘Well its always hard to tell when they’re in the early stages of pregnancy’ he grins eyeing my impossibly huge bump.
They drop me off at the G.P. clinic, which is five minutes down the road. I am signed off work for two days and told to rest and take some iron supplements. Mildew in incensed when she hears. Special Bloke is adorably concerned. I snuggle under the duvet and wrap myself up in a cocoon of peace and darkness and slide off into a comatose snooze. Bliss!
