All packed?

I throw a litre of milk into the trolley and the sell by date on the carton, catches my eye and startles my heart. I take the milk out and trace my finger over the embossed date….Its the 30th. My expected delivery date is the 28th. Yikes, I am in the zone. It could come any day now. I am a ticking bomb ready to go off any time in the next 4 weeks . It’s exciting and scary. It is time to get organized for D-day!

I wander down the baby aisle with my shopping list from ante-natal class and just to be on the safe side load the trolley with a bewildering array of potions, lotions, nappies, nappy sacs, wipes, breast pads, soothers, formula, bottles, teats, sterliser, bottlebrushes, breast pump, baby vests, sleep suits, mittens, baby hat, cardigan, receiving blanket, changing mat, nappy bag, muslin squares, bibs, dettol wipes and a large bottle of Milton. Right that’s the baby stuff sorted.

I get measured for a ‘let down’ nursing bra by a teenager who does not ooze confidence. I’m not convinced she realizes that I will be even fuller in the cup size when I am full of milk. When I mention this to her she says ‘Right’ while maintaining eye contact with the floor and then scurries out of the booth yelling ‘Moira, there’s a breast feeder in booth seven. Will you handle her?’

As I’m a brazen hussy, I don’t own a pair of pajamas. Shameful I know! I turf the largest possible size into my basket, along with some hilarious disposable paper knickers, huge maternity pads; some dark coloured towels. In this age of biological powders and high temperature washes, I fail to see why they need to be dark coloured. It seems to be a cruel way of heightening the anxiety of mums to be at this very vulnerable time. I mean its not like I’m going to be spurting blood and guts out of every orifice now is it? Christ, is it?

Special Bloke whimpers as he scans the receipts from my little shopping spree . It takes him half an hour to unload all my bits and pieces. ‘Are you sure we really need all this?’ he marvels in disbelief. ’Absolutely!’ I confirm.

I place my make up bag, pack of playing cards, vanilla scented candle, tub of Vaseline, can of Evian face spray, I-pod, cereal bars and maltesers, new pajamas, maternity pad and disposable knickers into my ‘delivery room’ bag. There that’s done!

‘Where does the baby stuff fit then?’ enquires Special Bloke.

‘There’s no way I’m going to fit nappies and clothes into this bag’ I squeal dejectedly.Special Bloke is sent off to buy a large and a jumbo sized bag. I hope the hospital don’t have an excess baggage charge