I’d love to stay and chat but I am soooooo bored. Do you have any idea how boring this conversation is? Are work nights really this dull without alcohol? How do teetotalers stick this on a regular basis? Don’t get me wrong. I have about as much interest in having a drink as having sex. But I’d love something to get me in the party mood. I have no energy. I am dull, dull as ditch water. I’m not feeling so great all of a sudden. I need to sleep..or maybe faint.
Yikes. What happened? Fiona is telling me to take it easy and ordering me to breathe in and out of a paper bag. It smells of fizzy cola bottles. Oh that’s better. She loosens my bra and asks me if I’m feeling a bit better. ‘I guess its time to stop wearing those magic knickers and tummy minimisers’, I confess. She phones Special Bloke, who arrives like a knight in shining amour.
‘Poor baby’ he soothes. ‘Was it the heat in here?’ ‘No’ pipes up Fiona’ It was the magic knickers!’. Special Bloke chuckles and throws me into the car like an unruly child. Despite the late hour, I insist that Special Bloke finds a shop that sells pic’n’mix fizzy cola bottles. We get lucky on shop number 6 and buy half a pound of them. Bloomn’ luverly!
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