Its important to keep fluids high

Louise bangs on the window 'Come on Mrs. we're meeting Jane in five minutes!'
Jane is her cousin who is also pregnant. She's a few months ahead of me so Louise suggested we meet up for lunch.

I can't help noticing that Jane is sitting on what appears to be an inflated, hollow cushion thing. I try not to stare but it does look a bit odd. 'Its to relieve my piles' whispers Jane. I must have looked a bit blank because she laughs and says, 'You don't want to know!'
'When do we get them?' I ask nervously.
'Hopefully never because they hurt like hell. Basically they're swellings that grow on your rear end' she states matter of factly with a sigh.
'And can they not give you anything to get rid of them?' I ask aghast.
'I'm taking, well inserting' she chuckles' suppositories but I'm not sure they are really helping. Then I put ice-packs on and try to keep my rear end in the air to reduce swelling- which is easier said than done I can tell you'.
'You know the more I learn about pregnancy the more I think young girls should shadow a pregnant woman for two weeks. Im sure that unwanted teenage pregnancy rates would plummet.'
After lunch Jane reaches for an iron supplement sachet and empties into her orange juice.
I reach into my handbag and neck a couple of slugs of anti-heartburn liquid. Louise is amused.
We touch on the dreaded subject of labour. Jane has already visited the delivery room with her ante-natal class. 'I just hope I don't have a screamer next to me when I'm trying to concentrate on my breathing', she giggles.
'How do you mean? Why would you have a screamer next to you ? I ask nervously.
'Well at St Finns they have two mums to a delivery suite as they call it.'
'What? Thats ridiculous! I don't want anyone else in there. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. Knowing my luck we will be next to Mr. and Mrs. Sociable, who will flick in and out, updating us and shoving their video camera in my face or up my...OH I can't bear to think about this'.

'I know and there's usually just a flimsy shower curtain with dodgy hooks between you and them. Mad isn't it! My sister tells me you won't care on the day. I hope she's right,'Jane smiles uncertainly.
Jane offers me a lift as its on her way home.I am about to climb into the passenger seat when I notice a thirty six pack of canned Guinness. 'Is there something you want to tell me Jane?' I grin quizzically. 'You have me! Nah my iron count is lousy. The doc says I may need iron injections which are meant to be quite painful. Then I was listening to a radio phone in show and quite a few callers said that drinking Guinness boosts your iron count. So I though I'd give it a go.'

'Fair enough', I giggle 'Its important to keep your fluids high!'.