‘Oh cripes’ I silently shriek as I pass a full-length mirror while browsing in Marks & Spencers. Here I was thinking that I was holding up well [er, well enough] on the clothes front. To date I’ve pretty much managed to squeeze into my regular clothes with a few minor amendments. Clearly I was deluded. I had no idea that I had been exposing my midriff to all and sundry. Did my top shrink in the wash?
Now I know that Demi Moore posed nude while with child and she looked fab. But said Ms Moore was not handicapped by folds of pre pregnancy blubber. OK, time to confront another milestone of fear…maternity wear shops.
I drag Louise with me during lunch break for support. She holds up a hanger with a pair of hideous pink gingham dungarees. ‘Oh you’ve got to have these’ she cracks up, holding her sides with glee. I examine the sheer volume and weight of material with horror and retort defiantly.’ Er Louise I know I’m preggers but I will never ever fill these’. ‘Haha’ she says ‘I remember you saying the same about the training bra your Mum bought you when we were twelve’. Louise is laughing so much that she is holding onto the rail for support. ‘Ok then, big girl how about these little numbers? She pulls out a gargantuan pair of denim jeans. ‘Or this sexy number?’ She hands me a bra, which is cup size zz. It could contain a pair of watermelons with ease.
I drag Louise with me during lunch break for support. She holds up a hanger with a pair of hideous pink gingham dungarees. ‘Oh you’ve got to have these’ she cracks up, holding her sides with glee. I examine the sheer volume and weight of material with horror and retort defiantly.’ Er Louise I know I’m preggers but I will never ever fill these’. ‘Haha’ she says ‘I remember you saying the same about the training bra your Mum bought you when we were twelve’. Louise is laughing so much that she is holding onto the rail for support. ‘Ok then, big girl how about these little numbers? She pulls out a gargantuan pair of denim jeans. ‘Or this sexy number?’ She hands me a bra, which is cup size zz. It could contain a pair of watermelons with ease.
‘Louise, I brought you here as my comfort blanket, not as lunchtime entertainment for a bitter and twisted spinster. I am upset enough at the prospect of losing my waist and doubling my butt size without you pissing yourself laughing at my predicament!’. Louise looks sheepish for about 5 seconds, before she squeals with laughter at the knicker rail. ‘Oh you’ve got to see these, honestly Daisy!’
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